The Search Continues
She's sitting, staring blankly in space. So alone.. So depressingly alone.
She holds her pen. These are the moments she speaks with her heart, crying her thoughts out.
She doesn't need someone to listen, she never wanted to.
Just a pen and paper, and she'll be all right. She will just be all right.
All along, she's been by herself, all by herself.
She found no one to trust a full connection with her.
No one.
She sadly smiles. No one.
She closed her notebook, placed down her pen.
No one.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
IV
Sigh
Amaya... life.. music.
She felt like drowning again into the music. She wanted to be somewhere at the moment. Not away from the crowd, that's not enough.
She wanted to be somewhere... to be in some place.. or state... somewhere.
Somewhere in between space and time.
_______________________________
These questions are undefined. Everything about these inquisitions are undefined.Everything else except WHY.
Amaya... life.. music.
She felt like drowning again into the music. She wanted to be somewhere at the moment. Not away from the crowd, that's not enough.
She wanted to be somewhere... to be in some place.. or state... somewhere.
Somewhere in between space and time.
_______________________________
These questions are undefined. Everything about these inquisitions are undefined.Everything else except WHY.
III
To Say
Words are dynamic.
Words are symbols.
Words are means to relay the thoughts, perception.. emotions..
Circumstances float when she gets lost in her words...
....when she finds no suitable term to verbalize everything she thinks, she perceives.. she feels..
You can't help yourself but be silent - to speak nothing when there's a lot to say.
Words are dynamic.
Words are symbols.
Words are means to relay the thoughts, perception.. emotions..
Circumstances float when she gets lost in her words...
....when she finds no suitable term to verbalize everything she thinks, she perceives.. she feels..
You can't help yourself but be silent - to speak nothing when there's a lot to say.
II
The search
She seeks for answers...
never ending inquisitions..
One leads to more complicated sets of thought..
Possibilities are set beforehand..
in her framework, her foundation.. her character.
Yet.. the search still continues.
in her framework, her foundation.. her character.
Yet.. the search still continues.
I
The Face
You see her.
You always see her.
You pass by her.
That's all she is...just a face.
You hear her speak.
You hear her sing.
You hear her whisper.
That's all she is...just a voice.
You feel her joy.
You feel her fears.
You feel her pains.
That's all she is...just a feeling.
You sense her pulse.
You sense her blood flowing.
You sense her breathing.
You see her living.
That's all she is.
You looked at her.
You see her smile.
And that's all she is... just a sight.
You see her.
You always see her.
You pass by her.
That's all she is...just a face.
You hear her speak.
You hear her sing.
You hear her whisper.
That's all she is...just a voice.
You feel her joy.
You feel her fears.
You feel her pains.
That's all she is...just a feeling.
You sense her pulse.
You sense her blood flowing.
You sense her breathing.
You see her living.
That's all she is.
You looked at her.
You see her smile.
And that's all she is... just a sight.
Prologue
AMAYA
Lying down, she gazes up the night sky. The wind softly brushes her hair...caresses her cheeks...She seems to be counting the stars as they are seen reflected in her eyes. She raised her hand, trying to reach for them. Then shook her head mildly, and pulls back her hand....
She smiles..
A breeze touches her face again. She breathed down deeply...smelling the crisp scent of the growing grasses...
She smiles......
She then turns her head to the right. A pink flower in bloom.How beautiful, she thought.She was about to reach for it, but stopped.
The flower dances under the light shone by the moon..
She smiles......
She closed her eyes, breathing in more and more deeply.
In her thought, she sees so many things. But they are all but just figures, silhouettes, shadows...
no significance at all. It bothers her that she does not understand what she seeks for...
and for why...
She is looking for something. That she is certain.
______________________
She felt something in her face.
She wondered .. is it raining?
She touched her face. Another tear fell.
It feels warm.
It feels good.
She smiles.
Lying down, she gazes up the night sky. The wind softly brushes her hair...caresses her cheeks...She seems to be counting the stars as they are seen reflected in her eyes. She raised her hand, trying to reach for them. Then shook her head mildly, and pulls back her hand....
She smiles..
A breeze touches her face again. She breathed down deeply...smelling the crisp scent of the growing grasses...
She smiles......
She then turns her head to the right. A pink flower in bloom.How beautiful, she thought.She was about to reach for it, but stopped.
The flower dances under the light shone by the moon..
She smiles......
She closed her eyes, breathing in more and more deeply.
In her thought, she sees so many things. But they are all but just figures, silhouettes, shadows...
no significance at all. It bothers her that she does not understand what she seeks for...
and for why...
She is looking for something. That she is certain.
______________________
She felt something in her face.
She wondered .. is it raining?
She touched her face. Another tear fell.
It feels warm.
It feels good.
She smiles.
Turn Off The Lights
It's getting so lonely inside this bed
Don't know if I should lick my wounds
Or say woe is me instead
And there's an aching inside my head
It's telling me I'm better off alone
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you will get some
They say that girl ya know she act too tough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
They say that girl you know she act so rough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
And I say follow me follow me follow me down
till' you see all my dreams
Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems
I looked above the other day
Cuz I think I'm good and ready for a change
I live my life by the moon
If it's high play it low
If it's harvest go slow and if it's full, then go
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you're gonna get some
I'm searching for things that I just cannot see
Why don't you don't you don't you come and be with me
I pretend to be cool with me, want to believe
That I can do it on my own without my heart on my sleeve
I'm running, I'm running, catch up with me life
Where is the love that I'm looking to find
It's all in me, can't you see, I can see,Why can't you see it's all in me
Don't know if I should lick my wounds
Or say woe is me instead
And there's an aching inside my head
It's telling me I'm better off alone
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you will get some
They say that girl ya know she act too tough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
They say that girl you know she act so rough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
And I say follow me follow me follow me down
till' you see all my dreams
Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems
I looked above the other day
Cuz I think I'm good and ready for a change
I live my life by the moon
If it's high play it low
If it's harvest go slow and if it's full, then go
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you're gonna get some
I'm searching for things that I just cannot see
Why don't you don't you don't you come and be with me
I pretend to be cool with me, want to believe
That I can do it on my own without my heart on my sleeve
I'm running, I'm running, catch up with me life
Where is the love that I'm looking to find
It's all in me, can't you see, I can see,Why can't you see it's all in me
The Author
I am Bern.
I prefer that people call me Bern.
It's something out of the ordinary...something uncommon.
And that's who I am.
..someone who is different from the common crowd. But the desire to stay simple and invisible is still a requirement.
I am inclined to things few people get interested. I do things people barely catch the purport. I convey things people barely read the real sense.
..but I'm not far from the journey of accepting that only few can understand my line of thinking.
Being the only daughter in the brood of three and completing my secondary course in an exclusive girl school, my experiences may have shortcomings in terms of total exposure. But they are enough to serve as my guide in this wild and groundbreaking life.
I likely get socialized with people of different culture and outlooks. I may have different mindset from them. Nevertheless, understanding the differences abets me stay connected. I learn from them so much.
I stay grounded with my own principle:
" It's how you look on things and take them into your lives. You are responsible in your every action."
I love people.
I love observing their behavior.
I love putting myself in their shoes, trying to decipher what causes them to behave in such ways.
I love listening to other people's dilemma, trying to understand why they are experiencing such things.
I love criticizing manners, scrutinizing the possible consequences of such actions.
CUT. It's all "I" in relation to "them"... what about "I" in relation to "Bern"?
"I" is such a big command for "Bern".
"I" plays the superego.
"I" has many inquisitions. "Bern" 's knowledge is too much but "Bern" 's experience is not enough to verbalize them.
"I" seeks for answer. "Bern" 's knowledge provides answer but "Bern" 's experience is not enough to help "I" understand everything.
"I" sets the reason. "Bern" does the action.
Yet both argue with the result.
"I" is the shadow. "Bern" is the opaque being.
"I" whispers. "Bern" speaks.
"I" inculcates learning. "Bern" executes for enhancement.
"I" sets possibilities. "Bern" exemplifies.
* * * * *
Both are looking in the mirror...
"I" sees the world. "Bern" sees "I".
I prefer that people call me Bern.
It's something out of the ordinary...something uncommon.
And that's who I am.
..someone who is different from the common crowd. But the desire to stay simple and invisible is still a requirement.
I am inclined to things few people get interested. I do things people barely catch the purport. I convey things people barely read the real sense.
..but I'm not far from the journey of accepting that only few can understand my line of thinking.
Being the only daughter in the brood of three and completing my secondary course in an exclusive girl school, my experiences may have shortcomings in terms of total exposure. But they are enough to serve as my guide in this wild and groundbreaking life.
I likely get socialized with people of different culture and outlooks. I may have different mindset from them. Nevertheless, understanding the differences abets me stay connected. I learn from them so much.
I stay grounded with my own principle:
" It's how you look on things and take them into your lives. You are responsible in your every action."
I love people.
I love observing their behavior.
I love putting myself in their shoes, trying to decipher what causes them to behave in such ways.
I love listening to other people's dilemma, trying to understand why they are experiencing such things.
I love criticizing manners, scrutinizing the possible consequences of such actions.
CUT. It's all "I" in relation to "them"... what about "I" in relation to "Bern"?
"I" is such a big command for "Bern".
"I" plays the superego.
"I" has many inquisitions. "Bern" 's knowledge is too much but "Bern" 's experience is not enough to verbalize them.
"I" seeks for answer. "Bern" 's knowledge provides answer but "Bern" 's experience is not enough to help "I" understand everything.
"I" sets the reason. "Bern" does the action.
Yet both argue with the result.
"I" is the shadow. "Bern" is the opaque being.
"I" whispers. "Bern" speaks.
"I" inculcates learning. "Bern" executes for enhancement.
"I" sets possibilities. "Bern" exemplifies.
* * * * *
Both are looking in the mirror...
"I" sees the world. "Bern" sees "I".
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